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Tuesday, 24 April 2012

FW: The Law Of The Wild-- good one


Sorry about that, lets try again?

MOTHER NATURE CAN BE EXTRAORDINARILY AMAZING AT TIMES.!!!
 
 
REGARDS,  FREDDIE REESE
 
 
 

Subject: FW: The Law Of The Wild ??
 
 
 
 
 
-----
Subject: The Law Of The Wild
 The Law Of The Wild says kill ONLY when you are
 hungry

Photographer Michel Denis-Huot, who captured these
amazing pictures on safari in Kenya 's Masai Mara in
October last year, Said he was astounded by what he saw:
"These three brothers (cheetahs) have been living together
since they left their mother at about 18 months old,' he said.
'On the morning we saw them, they seemed not to be
hungry, walking quickly but stopping sometimes to play
together. 'At one point, they met a group of impala who
ran away. But one youngster was not quick enough and
the brothers caught it easily'.
 
"These extraordinary scenes followed.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 

 
 

 
 
And then they just walked away without hurting him..........
Life is short... Forgive quickly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably...and never regret
anything that made you smile
 
 
 
This is probably the most amazing picture of 2011!!!
 
"Did you lose a cat?"
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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FW: The Law Of The Wild-- good one


MOTHER NATURE CAN BE EXTRAORDINARILY AMAZING AT TIMES.!!!
 
 
REGARDS,  FREDDIE REESE
 
 
 

Subject: FW: The Law Of The Wild ??
 
 
 
 
 
-----
Subject: The Law Of The Wild
 The Law Of The Wild says kill ONLY when you are hungry

Photographer Michel Denis-Huot, who captured these amazing
pictures on safari in Kenya 's Masai Mara in October last year,
Said he was astounded by what he saw:
"These three brothers
(cheetahs) have been living together since they left their mother
at about 18 months old,' he said.
'On the morning we saw them, they seemed not to be hungry,
walking quickly but stopping sometimes to play together. '
At one point, they met a group of impala who ran away.
But one youngster was not quick enough and the brothers
caught it easily'."

These extraordinary scenes followed..
And then they just walked away without hurting him.......... Life is short... Forgive quickly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably...and never regret
anything that made you smile
 
 
 
"Did you lose a cat?"
This is probably the most amazing picture of 2011!!!
"Did you lose a cat?"
 
 
 
No virus found in this message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2411/4934 - Release Date: 04/13/12
 
I am using the Free version of SPAMfighter.
SPAMfighter has removed 143 of my spam emails to date.

Do you have a slow PC? Try free scan!
 

Thursday, 19 April 2012

FW: Court Report's


 How the truth can be so very humerous at times...!!
 
Regards, Freddie Reese
 

 

 

 
  
It Can be Hard Keeping a Straight Face as a
 
COURT REPORTER
 
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts
and are things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters that had
the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually
taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you
                       that morning?
WITNESS:     He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:     My name is Susan!
____________________________________________
 

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
                      memory at all?
WITNESS:     Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:     I forget..
ATTORNEY:  You forget?  Can you give us an example of
                       something you forgot?
___________________________________________
 
 
ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
                        in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the
                        next morning?
WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:      He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:     Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
(My Favorite)
ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was
                       August 8th?
WITNESS:     Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:     Getting laid
____________________________________________
(Another favorite)
ATTORNEY:  She had three children, right?
WITNESS:     Yes.
ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?
WITNESS:   None.
ATTORNEY:   Were there any girls?
WITNESS:      Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
                        Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:     By death…
ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:     Take a guess.
____________________________________________
this one really tickles me hehee!
ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:     Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning
                       pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent
                       to your attorney?
WITNESS:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
                       performed on dead people?
WITNESS:     All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
                        What school did you go to?
WITNESS:     Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:     If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

  
And last:
(Well OK, this is the best)
ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
                       did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS:     No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:     No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:     No…
ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
                       when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS:     No.
ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
                       nevertheless?
WITNESS:     Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
                       and practicing law.
 

FW: Wannago for a swim?


 
AND I THOUGHT THAT WE HAD SOME BIG CROCS IN AUSTRALIA.....!!!
 
 
Regards,   Freddie Reese



 
 
 
)
 
 
 WHO WANTS TO GO FOR A SWIM IN THE NIGER RIVER?? ANYONE????

22-FOOT, 2500 POUNDS!!!!
 
The village called the Army, because they were losing people!!!!
 
 
 
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Tuesday, 17 April 2012

HANWELLS GOSPEL OAK

       I never knew of the existence of this Gospel Oak. Would any of our readers know the exact whereabouts of this.?

 

 

                              Regards, Freddie Reese          

 

 

HANWELL'S GOSPEL OAK.

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

Reprinted from " The Middlesex County Times May 5th 1928

 

.

Not far from Boston Manor District Railway Station,

just within the boundary of the Parish of Hanwell,

there stands an old and withered oak.

Today it bears no foliage:

Apparently it is dead, but for centuries it has stood

there, a convenient landmark between the boundaries

of the parishes of Hanwell and Brentford. It is, however

something more than a boundary mark; it is one of the

two Gospel Oaks in Greater London whose identity

survived until the present time The other is at Gospel Oak,

Hampstead. In olden times there was a Gospel Oak in

many, if not all, the parishes, for beneath these trees was

carried out one of those customs which the Christian Church

inherited and adapted from pagan times.

At the festival of Amborvallia the Romans would make a

procession of their fields and invoke the blessing of Ceres,

the Goddess of Corn, on their crops. Quite early in the

Christian era this custom was adapted by the Church,

and on one of the Rogation days. In latter times on

Rogation Sunday, the Sunday before Ascension Day,

the clergy and people of the parish would make a round of

the parish for the dual purpose of calling upon the Divine

blessing for the crops and to “preserve in all classes of the

community a correct knowledge of due respect for the bounds

of the parochial and private property.”

Beneath a suitable oak tree on the bounds of the parish the

procession would halt and the rector or curate, would hold a

short, service of thanksgiving and invocation for God's blessing.

The fields in which the Gospel Oak stood at Hanwell and those

adjoining it, fell out of cultivation several years before the war but

were turned into allotments during the war. In 1917, the custom

of holding a service beneath the Gospel Oak was revived with

most of the clergy and ministers of the Hanwell churches taking

part in the service and procession in that year. In the following year

the Rev. J. Brown Logie conducted a service beneath the oak on

Rogation Sunday but since then the custom again been allowed

to lapse. In view of the fact that these fields will probably be built

over in the course of few years the Ealing Town Council has agreed

to affix a plaque to the railings which border the road, to commemorate

the fact that this was the spot at which the old custom, was carried out.

Image and content provided by Barry Cole, 2003

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Fw: Fwd: B&Q job application - The guy's a hero



Subject: Fw: Fwd: B&Q job application - The guy's a hero!
 
 

 
 




I thought that this might be helpful to someone................................
 
B & Q JOB APPLICATION

This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells

They hired him because he was so funny.....
This is a genuine application form for a position at B&Q. Wouldn't you just love to!!!...............
 
 
NAME:                              Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX:                                 Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION:       Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available.
If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

DESIRED SALARY:          £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. 
                                         If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:                   Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:   Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:        A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:        My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION:         It was a crap job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:           Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:               1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:             Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:                  If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:           Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:                         I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader'sDigest Timeshare
         Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:                               On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:                    Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big
                                                                                                                   tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually,
                                                                                                                  I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?:                        7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: 
Oh Yes,
Absolutely.