Tuesday, 26 March 2013

FW: : Black & White only read if you are over 40

Best wishes,
Freddie Reese 

Days of Black and White

Keith Bales
(Red Skelton)

Go all the way to the bottom past the pictures.  I think you'll enjoy it.  Whoever wrote this must have been our next door neighbour because it totally described our childhood to a 'T'.  Hope you enjoy it.

Black and White?

(Under the age of 50?  You won't understand.)

You could hardly see for all the snow,
Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go.

My mum used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread butter on bread on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

Our sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember anyone getting e. coli

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake, river or at the beach instead of a pristine indoor pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

We all took PE .... and risked permanent injury with a pair of Dunlop plimsoles instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors that cost as much as a small car.  I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.

We got the cane for doing something wrong at school, they used to call it discipline yet we all grew up to accept the rules and to honor & respect those folk older than us.
We had 60 kids in our class and we all learned to read and write, do maths and spell almost all the words needed to write a grammatically correct letter......., FUNNY THAT!!
We all said prayers in school and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.!!

I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations. We were NOT!!

Oh yeah ... and where was the Benadryl and sterilisation kit when I got that bee sting?  I could have been killed!

We played "King of the Hill" on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites and when we got hurt, mum pulled out the 2/6p bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our bum spanked.

Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10 day dose of antibiotics and then mum calls the lawyer to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family.

How could we possibly have known that? 

We never needed to get into group therapy and/or anger management classes.

We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

How did we ever survive? 

Pass this to someone and remember that life's most simple pleasures are very often the best. 
AAAAh, those WERE the days!!!!

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Monday, 25 March 2013

FW: Poof the light goes on




 Getting older is a lot harder than it looks!


A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back normal so the doctor says, "Harry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

Harry replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!, the light goes on. When I'm done, poof!, the light goes off."

"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Harry's wife. "Mrs. White," he says, "Harry is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! The light goes off?"

"OH GOOD GRIEF!" Mrs. White exclaims,
Peeing in the fridge again!"


Friday, 22 March 2013

Thinking by the pool..!! From Freddie Reese

An Observation on an Age Old Question 

What deep thinkers men are...

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking
on various topics.

Finally I thought about an age old question:

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting
kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with
the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason
for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have
another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like
another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case...... Time for another beer.


 Nature on display, in some its most dramatic forms, throughout Australia. 
Freddie Reese
Some are terrifying, some are awe inspiring - all are beautiful.
These images, showing the elements at their wildest and most magnificent, have been released in a new calendar.
Each year the
Bureau of Meteorology and Australian Meteorological and Oceanographic Society organises a competition for the best weather pictures
Have a great day!

January: An electrical storm perfectly complements fireworks launched to mark Australia Day 2012 celebrations in Perth, in a stunning shot by Matthew Titmanis

February: A thunderstorm sweeps over the Melbourne suburb of Carrum Downs, captured by Flavio Bonicelli

March: Sunset highlights streets of stratocumulus over Buninyong, central Victoria by Keith Day

April: Majesty and threat - A cumulonimbus with anvil seen beyond wind turbines at Burra, SA by photographer Helen Simpson

May: Ship in sea fog off McCrae, Port Phillip Bay, Victoria, by photographer Meredith Banhidi

June: In the wake of a thunderstorm, hail blankets paddocks at Marong, Victoria by John Allen

July: A squall line associated with a thunderstorm over Era Beach, south of Sydney by photographer Bruce Cooper

August: The ethereal beauty of a mist bow and fog at Mount Anne in Tasmania by Grant Dixon

September: A massive dust storm rolls over the Arkaroola Wilderness Sanctuary in the northern Flinders Ranges of South Australia, in this stunning photograph by Peter MacDonald

October: A thunderstorm threatens the Gold Coast, Queensland by photographer Ann Van Breemen

November: The shadows of cumulus clouds dapple the parallel dunes of the Simpson Desert by Steve Strike

December: Lightning illuminates a cumulonimbus cloud over Corio Bay, Victoria by James Collier
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Monday, 18 March 2013

Fw: Only the Eskimos

Good day Charlie. I know that you enjoy a plate of mussels mate but would you go to this length to get a feed..!!??
You are joking…..for a bucket of mussels????? 
-------Original Message-------



*B-) cool*>:) devil*:O) clown*:-)/\:-) high five

WORTH WATCHING>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>pb
Subject: Fw: Only the Eskimos

This is unbelievable. Awsome...
What happens when the tide goes out?
Only the Eskimos will have the nerve to do this!! This is amazing!
This is something I had never heard of so I thought you might enjoy watching.
When the tide is out... under the ice.......
Very interesting what the indigenous inhabitants of the region have done for ages.
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Saturday, 16 March 2013

Fw: "Paper is not dead!"

To all our TABLET friends!!!!
Subject: FW: FW: "Paper is not dead!"




Picture is worth a thousand words?





Friday, 15 March 2013

Fw: Just like that





Subject: Just like that 
1. Two blondes walk into a building --- you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message: 'If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash # key.'

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.' 

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day --- but I couldn't find any. 

5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli --- a strong currant pulled him in. 

6. I went to a Seafood Disco last week, and pulled a muscle. 

7. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly so they lit a fire in the craft. It sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. 

8. 'Doc, I can't stop singing: 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'
Doc says, 'That sounds like the Tom Jones Syndrome. '
'Is it common, doc?'
'Well, it's not unusual.' 

9. A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him.' and he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? --- because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's really heavy'

10. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my bottom.'
'How's that?'
'Oh, don't you start.' 

11. What do you call a fish with no eyes? --- a fsh. 

12. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world is Chinese. There are 5 people in my family so one of them must be Chinese. It's either my mum or my Dad --- or my older brother Colin --- or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu --- but I think it's Colin. 

13. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. 

14. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said,   'Parking Fine.'    So that was nice.'